A Son of Our Own
by whitetiger91
Summary: There is something missing from Remus' life: a child he can call his own. So when he finally receives the news that he will be a father, why is he so down? An emergency Wolfstar fic written for the QLFC Round 5.


**A Son of Our Own**

 _ **A/N: This fic was written as an emergency reserve for the QLFC, Round 5, Beater 2. Thankfully the lovely Ari came back and uploaded a much better fic, as I really don't think I have done the Wolfstar main prompt justice. This was written in a rush and not yet beta'd, so yes, I understand a lot more can be added to it and refined. Perhaps one day I will.**_

 _ **This fic is dedicated to the victims and their families of the recent tragedy in Orlando, as well as to anyone who has been victimised or bullied due to their sex, gender, sexuality, race, religion, or culture. Love is love, and hopefully people will realise that one day.**_

* * *

 _ **October 1997**_

Remus' hands shook as he poured himself another drink, the amber liquid sloshing over the goblet's rim. Lifting the goblet to his lips, he gulped it down, not caring that the Firewhiskey burnt his throat on the way down. His mind was too busy clouded with thoughts he simply could not shake. He was going to be a father. A father.

He couldn't blame Nymphadora for storming out of the room when she found out that his tears were not of joy, nor could he blame her for the look of hurt she had when she returned, only to see him leaving. Her face, red and splotchy, told him she was more than aware that he would not be returning, and that he had broken her heart in doing so.

Picking up the Firewhiskey once more, he tried to steady his hand to pour another drink, only to drop it and spill the remaining few drops across the grubby coffee table. Sighing, the world spinning, he dropped his head into his hands.

He could live with causing Nymphadora pain if his excuse had been a complete truth. It wasn't as if he had lied; he truly did fear what would happen to his child. Would he be part Lycanthrope? Would the moonlight cause his child unbearable pain every time they stepped into it? Would they start sprouting a tail, or be forced to live with the itchy skin that came with the condition? Remus couldn't watch his child suffer through that.

No, it was something much worse that had his stomach churning and head throbbing; something horrible that would not go away even with alcohol consumption. The truth was the thought of having a child of his own made him sick with guilt. Why, of all people, did he get to have a child, when the most important man didn't get the chance? Why did he get the opportunity, when the one he really wanted to have a child with was no longer here?

* * *

 _ **August 1981**_

"Aww, isn't he a cutie!"

"Oh, Lily, he has your eyes!"

"Can you say, dad? Go on, tyke, say, dad."

Remus took a sip of Butterbeer, watching his friends crowd around the newborn infant. It was funny how adult's voices automatically changed when a baby was present. Alastor's voice, in particular, had risen a few octaves as he cooed at Harry, something Remus hadn't heard in the few short years he had known the Auror. In fact, he could feel his lips begin to twitch, unable to hold in the smile as Alastor began pulling faces at the baby. He didn't dare step closer, however, unsure he'd want to expose the baby to someone like himself.

"I got your nose, I got your nose," Alastor cooed, wiggling his thumb.

He could hear Harry start crying, tiny curled fists trying to push away the strange man. James pushed the man aside, trying to calm his son. "Don't scare him, Moody."

Alastor rolled his eyes and continued to wiggle his thumb at Harry. "He needs to learn constant vigilance, Potter. It won't just be his nose he loses if he's not wary from an early age."

James shook his head, looking around for back up; his wife, Lily, being too busy conversing with Marlene to help. His hazel eyes turned towards him, and he grinned. "Moony, get over here and say hello. You've always got that calming presence."

Remus stepped back, eyes growing wide. "Uh, no, I don't think that's a good idea, Prongs. I'm right standing here."

"It's alright. Don't be such a downer, get over here."

"No, really, I shouldn't—"

"Moony." James stared him down, folding his arms.

With a sigh, Remus plastered a smile on his face and walked closer to the cot. If James thought it was a good idea to see his son, then perhaps… perhaps it would be alright. Afterall, the bright summer sun was beating down, and the full moon had not long passed. He wouldn't transform today. Peering into the cot, he saw Harry's eyes squeezed shut, cheeks red. Glancing back up to James, who nodded, he said, "Harry? Little Harry, it's, uh, it's your uncle, Remus."

He half expected the boy to continue crying, yet the infant opened his eyes. Blinking, Harry surveyed him for a moment before a toothless grin spread across his face.

"Well, it seems he likes you," James said, chuckling as Moody _harrumphed_ and sidled off.

Remus' smile grew and his heart lifted, reaching down to the boy. Harry gripped his finger in his tiny fist, pulling it down to his mouth with all the strength a baby had and began sucking on it. Bright, green eyes stared up at him, seemingly melting away any fear of interacting with babies Remus harboured. In fact, it made him feel warm and fuzzy, and he didn't want to let go.

"Oi, give me some time with my godson, would ya?"

Remus looked up as Sirius came up behind him, a grin spreading across his face. Winking at him for a moment, the man then bent over the cot and lifted Harry in the air. The infant instantly released Remus' finger, giggling as Sirius bounced him around. Sirius laughed, drawing the boy closer and pressing a kiss against his pale forehead. He watched the two, the warm feeling in his stomach growing. Perhaps he wasn't the only one who could handle babies.

"I'm surprised, Black is kind of a natural, isn't he?" Lily asked him, a smile on her face as she appeared at Remus' side. He nodded, focused on the pair, as she said, more sternly, "Alright, that's enough, it's time Harry had a break."

"Aww."

"C'mon, Sirius," Lily said, reaching for her son.

Sirius stopped bouncing Harry, allowing Lily to place her hands on Harry. However, before she could take him, he spun Harry in another circle, laughter sounding throughout the small courtyard.

"Sirius!"

"Oh, alright, here you go," Sirius said, placing a giggling Harry into Lily's arm. She brought her baby to her chest, cradling him, and stalked off to the house.

James clapped Sirius on the shoulder, dragging him off to the small picnic table laden with food. Remus followed, eyes focused on Sirius' back. His partner had seemed so content, so happy, holding Harry, that it made him wonder if shared the same wish.

He waited until James walked off, Peter calling for the boy's attention, that he approached Sirius.

"I didn't think you liked children, Padfoot."

Sirius turned around, a piece of cake stuffed into his mouth. Chocolate crumbs fell from it as he shrugged and said, "They're alright."

"Yes, but you seemed to make Harry so...happy."

"I know, but that's 'cause I'm awesome," Sirius said, swallowing before picking up another piece.

Refraining from pulling a face at Sirius' lack of manners and staring at the table instead, Remus said, "Well, I've been doing some thinking… I wasn't sure until now, but...why don't we have one?"

"A what? Cake?"

Remus looked back up, seeing Sirius' eyebrows raised. Sighing, he glanced around and whispered, "No, not a cake. A child."

The cake was half way to Sirius' mouth before he dropped it onto the grass. Remus' heart began to pound as Sirius simply stared at him, eyes blinking. It was probably a better idea, he realised, to have started the conversation earlier, preferably when Sirius' mind wasn't on food.

"A baby?" Sirius choked out.

Remus nodded, wringing his hands together. "Yeah, you and me," he said, a small smile upon his lips.

Sirius continued blinking before a smile appeared on his face once more and he began to laugh. Remus' heart sank, watching as tears sprung to his partner's eyes. Frowning, he looked down.

"Oh, you were serious?"

"Yes, don't you want to have one?" Remus asked, looking back up and staring into Sirius' beautiful grey eyes.

He thought he could see something flit through them, worry, perhaps. Just as quickly, however, they gleamed, and Sirius grinned.

"In case you haven't noticed, mate, our bodies don't exactly work that way. Not as far as I know, anyway. McGonagall never seemed fussed on giving us 'the talk,' did she?" he said, nudging him.

"Sirius…"

"What?"

"You know what I mean. We could use adoption or something—"

A frown appeared on the man's face, eyes growing stormy. "I'm sure there'll be plenty of orphans with the way this war is going," he muttered. Then, just as quickly as it came, the darkness disappeared, and he smiled. "Besides, babies are too messy for my liking. They burp, fart, need their nappies changed and, unlike me, vomit."

Remus followed Sirius' gaze as he stared at the house. Lily had just stepped through the door, her clean, white dress now covered in chunky, yellow mush.

"I mean, who in their right mind would want to deal with that?" Sirius said, turning back to the table and picking up a cookie.

Remus ignored him, staring at the house where Harry slept inside. He would.

* * *

"Authorities say that this attack was not related to Death Eaters, despite a similar occurrence…"

Remus tuned out the wireless, mind unable to take in any more bad news. They had had to leave the party early, Aberforth Dumbledore's Patronus alerting them that Death Eaters were in the nearby town. Although they all knew that they could not find the little house with the amount of charms and wards set on it, the mood had been spoilt and Lily and James decided it was time Harry was left in the houses' safety for the rest of the day. When would this war end? How many more people had to suffer?

He dug his fingers into the couch, death and destruction taking hold of his mind. Were they safe here? Remus' father had bought him the cottage, hoping it would keep him and Sirius out of trouble. He had first thought the little house charming, the small rooms and exposed beams quaint; now, however, as he looked around, he realised the walls were too thin to hold up lest they be in danger.

"What about Edward?"

Remus blinked, looking up at Sirius. His partner was stoking the fire, grey eyes lit up as he stared into the flickering flame.

"Huh?"

"Edward. It's a nice name, don't you think?" Sirius asked, turning his head.

"Uh, I suppose."

"I mean, if you wanted a girl, that'd be alright, I suppose. Edwina doesn't have the same ring to it. But if it was a boy, well, I quite like that."

Remus sighed. "Sirius, you don't have to pretend—"

"As long as he isn't named after a stupid constellation, I don't care. I had thought my cousin would have enough sense to break that tradition, but then again, she did marry that git Malfoy." Sirius cut Remus off, coming to sit next to him on the couch and placing his feet on the low, wooden coffee table. Remus grimaced at the dirt his boots would leave on it, locking his eyes back onto Sirius.

"Look, Sirius, I didn't mean to pressure you before, it's alright. If you don't want a child, I'm fine with it. Really, it was stupid of me to suggest it, what with the war and my condition."

Sirius met his gaze, eyes twinkling. "Hey, it might actually be fun trying," he said with a wink. Remus groaned. Trust Sirius to turn something into a joke. He folded his arms and leant back into the couch, waiting for Sirius to start chuckling or make another crude joke.

When he didn't and grabbed his hand instead, Remus was startled to see his expression had grown solemn. Sirius rubbed his hand, rough palms smoothing over his knuckles. "I'm sorry, but I really do mean it when I say I want a child. With you."

"Don't mess with me, this is important," Remus said, searching for any trace that Sirius would start laughing. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"That I am," Sirius said, then sighed. Still rubbing Remus' hand, he continued, "Really, I do want a child, no matter the responsibility that comes with it. I mean, I never really thought of it before, but I suppose I want a boy—or a girl—to teach things. Riding a motorcycle, learning to fly, those sorts of things. Someone to show how life should work."

The man's smile wavered a little, grey eyes shining with tears. Remus opened his mouth to reply but found he couldn't.

"I missed out on guiding Regulus through his life, so I suppose that's why," Sirius finished, shrugging. Letting go of his hand, Sirius hastily wiped at his eyes. Then, realising what he had said, a grin spread across his face. "I mean, we've got to make sure at least one child doesn't grow up a git, right? Maybe just wait though until we win this blasted war, alright? I'm not saying no, just not now."

Remus nodded. "Alright."

His heart lifted as he realised what Sirius was saying. His partner still loved him, still wanted more from their relationship. Perhaps it was he who had been selfish, trying to impose something this huge on Sirius at such a time.

Sirius laughed, wiping away the rest of his tears. Standing up and stretching, he looked around the room before turning to him with a smirk. "So… until then, shall we enjoy the time together we do have?"

Remus rolled his eyes but allowed Sirius to grab his hand and pull him up. His heart felt light and happy, beating with the prospect of a bright future with Sirius.

* * *

 _ **October 1997**_

Remus jumped as a loud sound cut into his reverie, making his head pound. _Thump, thump, thump._ Blinking, he sat up, realising that the sound was coming from the door. He had fallen asleep, dreams of the man he once hoped he would be a father with having dragged him into an uneasy slumber. _Thump, thump, thump._ Wiping a bit of drool off of his chin, Remus tried to sit up, the world spinning. Groaning, he fell back, leaving the intruder to burst through the door.

"Remus John Lupin, how dare you leave me— Remus?"

Still blinking away his grogginess, he looked up to see Nymphadora staring at him, hair changing from a flaming red to a mousy brown as she took him in. The change didn't last long, however, as her grey eyes took in the empty bottle on the coffee table, and it turned fiery red once more.

"Oh, so you're taking to alcohol now, are you? Well, that's just great. Our child is going to have a deserter for a father as well as an alcoholic, is he?"

"Don't call him—no. Nymph, what are you doing here?" he asked, his mind briefly turning back to Sirius.

Nymphadora pursed her lips, hands folded across her stomach. Only two months in, her stomach only protruded slightly, yet it was noticeable enough to catch Remus' eye and stir up the guilt he felt once more. He had been horrible to lead him on; foolish to think he could replace Sirius with his cousin. Her eyes—so much like _his_ —were narrowed at him, a storm brewing within.

"I came to bring you back to your senses! How dare you abandon me and our child?" she said, stepping forward.

"Leave, Nymphadora, please."

"It's not Nymphadora!" she screeched, marching up to him.

Remus watched as she raised a hand, sure she would slap him. He deserved it; actually, he deserved a lot worse. Closing his eyes, he waited for the blow to come. Maybe she could knock him out, once and for all, where the Firewhiskey had failed to do so.

The hit didn't come, however, and after waiting a few minutes, pleading in his mind for her to take away the guilt, the pain, he opened his eyes. Her hand was reached out to him, wavering just underneath his chin. Her eyes had softened, and as she enclosed the distance, tilting his head up, he could see only a strange mix of pity and hope in them.

"Oh, Remus, I know. I know you don't think it's a good idea to bring a child into war. I know you worry about hi—our child being a Werewolf. I know. At least take a look at him before you decide anything," she said.

Letting her hand fall away, she turned and backed into the couch, slowly easing herself down. Remus made room for her, picking up a cushion and placing it behind her back. The movement made him dizzy, and he let out another groan.

"Please, Remus, just look."

Nymphadora pulled out a small piece of parchment from inside her robe pocket and took his hand, placing it in it. Dragging his eyes down to it, he flipped it over. There, in black and white, was a small blotch moving around. Squinting, it took a moment for him to realise that it was a baby; his baby.

"It's a boy," Nymphadora said, pointing to the photograph. "I managed to get into St Mungo's without too much difficulty after you left. The Mediwitch said he looks healthy… at least she thinks it's a boy. Said not to get my hopes up, what with the earliness, but I thought you should know."

Tears prickled Remus' eyes as he continued staring at the ultrasound picture. It was a boy. He was going to have a son… just like Sirius had wanted. He could feel movement to his right, but continued staring at the image, transfixed by it. A boy… and it didn't seem to have a tail. It was only when he heard the door open once more, that he finally looked up.

Nymphadora stood in the doorway, eyes surveying him, a small, sad smile upon her lips. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me."

Swallowing, Remus looked from Nymphadora to the picture and back to Nymphadora, who was closing the door. He couldn't raise this child, it wasn't right. Still, the thoughts did not stop him from standing up and calling, "Wait!"

Nymphadora sighed and poked her head back through the door, but he could see the smile widen slightly. "Yes?" she asked.

"I—well, I—if it is a boy, will you consider letting me name him?"

"Remus, I think you—"

"Please? I—I need some time, but… Edward. I think he should be named Edward," he said.

Remus watched Nymphadora think for a moment, her tongue protruding through her lips. The smile returned, though not meeting her eyes, and she nodded her head. "Like my father... I like it." Then, looking at Remus once more, she closed the door.

Remus fell back into the couch, unable to stand any longer. His head hurt, the guilt clutching his heart in its icy grip. He could feel it defrosting, however, just a little bit, as the corner of the photograph stuck into his son. Looking down at it, the ghost of a smile lit his features. He was going to have a son; they were going to have a son.


End file.
